The “Disease of Being Busy”
Too many of us are too busy and it’s affecting adults and children alike in negative ways. In fact, there has been a term coined to speak to the issue referred to as the “disease of being busy.” You might be thinking that you get more done being busy or manage your time effectively since you are busy, but the reality is the opposite. It’s time to start undoing the busy.
Staying busy prevents you from being present which takes away from connection with others. Opportunities to join with others are missed because they are often viewed as a distraction. You may be physically there, but not emotionally available. Many of us don’t know what to do if we aren’t busy. We are not at ease and have an uncomfortably with just “being.”
Crazy-Busy
In Daring Greatly, Brené Brown writes about numbing behaviors that we use as armor against vulnerability. “One of the most universal numbing strategies is what I call crazy-busy. I often say that when they start having 12-step meetings for busy-aholics, they’ll need to rent out football stadiums. We are a culture of people who’ve bought into the idea that if we stay busy enough, the truth of our lives won’t catch up with us.”
Why Busy is an Issue
Dr. Susan Koven, a prominent Internal Medicine doctor at Massachusetts General Hospital indicates “In the past few years, I’ve observed an epidemic of sorts: patient after patient suffering from the same condition. The symptoms of this condition include fatigue, irritability, insomnia, anxiety, headaches, heartburn, bowel disturbances, back pain, and weight gain. There are no blood tests or X-rays diagnostic of this condition, and yet it’s easy to recognize. The condition is excessive busyness.”
As Dr. Koven spoke to busy schedules tend to leave us not taking care of ourselves and it takes a toll on our physical and emotional well-being. Likewise, getting caught up in the busyness of everything does not leave time for doing nothing which helps in relaxation and self-care. Being busy usually means you are “always on” and not setting boundaries as far as what needs to be addressed. Not having distinct times for your different roles such as home and work can you leave getting side tracked, which leads to being stressed out, productivity issues, burnout, and creates a vicious cycle of the previously mentioned points like not taking care of yourself and or not being present.
Another misconception with the idea of being busy is that “time is money” so if we are not utilizing our time, we are wasting it. When you are busy it feels like everything must be done rather than identifying what matters and what can wait. We then engage in multi-tasking when are brain isn’t designed to work that way and end up undermining the productivity we are trying so badly to achieve.
What About Our Children?
As adults living on a “hamster wheel” we can inadvertently create this for our children. The problem isn’t with children who are involved in extra-curricular activities, it’s that we don’t allow for down time or what Alvin Rosenfeld, the author of The Over-Scheduled Child refers to as “boring time” We’ve so over-scheduled our kids that doctors are now prescribing playtime. There is a sense that every moment of a child’s life must be purposeful instead of letting play happen. With this notion, the stress that comes with being busy spills over from us as adults to our children.
What Can You Do?
-Make sure children have enough time with no activities, parents have enough time with no work, and you have time where parents come together with the children to do activities with each other
-Let children be bored and create their own opportunities for play or how they fill their time.
-Spend time with no goal in mind and find time to do nothing.
-Balance time spent in activities with the focus on quality or enjoyment rather than quantity or number of things schedule. Look for laughter from your child while they are engaging in the specific activity.
-Allow yourself to say “no” and commit to time commitments that you actually want to do instead of those things you feel like you “should do” or are obligated to complete.
-Take time for yourself to take care of you
As the old saying goes “less is more” when it comes to how you spend your time.
What do you see yourself doing to undo the busy?
